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| Considering a Divorce |
I am seriously considering to get a divorce. It sucks because now I have my twins to take into consideration...they are not even a year old yet. I am just so tired of these mind games that my husband is creating. I mean, he's the older one, way older, and he thinks I am supposed to understand all the tantrums he is having. I have put up with everything but I think I am @ the end of the line.
We will see. I really want to work things out coz of my twins but on the other hand, I am very concerned with sanity and self-respect. As of now, I think they are slowly shrinking away. |
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| Kinda Depressed |
I just had my twins last May 7th, 2009. Ever since I gave birth, everything has been ridiculously fast but it seems like I am doing the same things over and over again, every day, the same time of a day, every freaking day! I don't get to get out of the house coz I got twins...it's not easy to walk around by myself with 2 cry babies in tow! It's hard enough when my husband and I go out together with the twins. It's just simply hard!
Right now, I am at home..my twins are asleep. I am online although there are so much shit to do around the house, I don't feel like doing shit.
I am tired. I want to cry right now. I want to cry everyday.
My husband doesn't seem to give a shit! Even when he comes home from work, he seems like happy to see the babies so he attends to them right away. About me? I get excited when I know he's coming home. But when he's home, it gets more depressing. I want to talk bout something to him and he just nods his head and agreement. SOmetimes I'm not done talking, he already agrees to it. I bet when I ask him what did I just say, he won't know shit!
I dunno how long this will last.
DOn't get me wrong though, my boys are the best things that ever happened to me! They complete all aspects of my life! But this depression I need to get out of my system but I don't know how...I just seem to go deeper and deeper into it. IT IS SCARY! |
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| Wow!!! So loooooooooooong ago! |
I am sooo shocked to see how long ago it was since I last posted in here...Actually, I didn't even know I could still log in - I forgot my password and my email address, which I have lots and lots!
Well, I am glad I am back. Not that this means I will be able to update everyday. I got twins now. Twin boys to take care of everyday and my time is just so limited online. So, we'll see. |
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| Going Home...at last! |
Yup...I am going home
to my HomePlace...
Davao City, Philippines!!!
After 4 years of exile (it seems like),
I am going to see my ex-life
With thousands of relatives,
ex (?) maybe NOT on that...
But, it's almost here...
the day is almost here...
Unbelievably close
unbelievably here...
July 29th...
you're not coming to us soon enough...
Watch out, betchas...
I'll be there!!!
MWAHHH!!! |
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| My Rebirth |
I've been reborn!
Traded negatives for positives,
tears for joys,
depression for inner strength,
hope and lots of smiles.
I found out for myself
the best way to deal with depressing thoughts
is to hum a happy tune.
It totally wipes out all bad thoughts
and brings so much joy
and smiles
and hopes.
Try it.
You would be surprised. |
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| My Dilemma's over... |
The past few days have been really crazy for me. I think as a woman, this might have happened to you. You know, to go crazy in thinking if your pregnant or not. My monthly visits are always late, so I have this thing called LUNAR in my palm pilot just so it can keep track of my visits and actually calculate the estimated date I'm going to have it the following months. Well, this time, even my palm pilot was way off in guessing.
As it happened, everything was so late. I felt so bloated and no pimples coming out in any place on my face, as I would experience when I have my visitor. So, I assumed I was pregnant. I have been on the edge because I want to be pregnant, but, I keep on thinking, it can't be good at this time. See, I will be having a 18+hr flight going home to PI, back and forth that would be 36+ hours total. It can't be good for a pregnant woman, right? And plus, I'm supposed to have a great time eating anything, drinking (not that I really drink alcohol) anything, with my family that I haven't seen in 4 years!
While waiting for my period, I was in this dilemma. I was so happy for the possibility that I was pregnant but thinking about the trip, I didn't want to think bad things happening to me or the baby. I don't know, I might just be ignorant on these things but I was in doubt. But in the end, I said God is the one who will decide and whatever it is, we will just work it out.
And so, yesterday, God answered me. I had my period. And boy, it was so painful I couldn't even remember ever having this dilemma. Now, I am still in pain from it. But knowing I am definitely not pregnant is a bit disappointing, though. Originally, my hubby and I decided to start having a baby next year. That might be what's gonna happen....and I can't wait...God permits, I will be the happiest woman in the world! |
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| Life in a Fast Lane |
Yep...that's my life right now.
Like I don't have a lot of time
to blog, chat, email...
or call somebody,
even if they call me over the phone,
I don't answer. Period.
I feel bad
But I always think it's better
to do those things
when I have enough time,
not short or long
just enough.
Life for me now
basically
is eating, working, sleeping...
and the cycle goes on and on....
Life shouldn't be this way, right?
Then why in the HELL
am I caught up in this fucked up cycle? |
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Name: isay
Home: Somewhere, Fl, United States
About Me: Trying to get online therapy for my deepest thoughts and emotions on certain issues that affect my life, as well as the society. But generally, yeah, I am a good and a beautiful person, hehehe...
See my profile...
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Blogroll Me!
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Brushes by Gvalkyrie
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